Which way's up?

Delia Smith, Jamie Oliver, Gordon Ramsay: move along now; your time is up.

2010-01-11T21:47:00.005Z

I didn't know if I was going to use this old blog any more. But I just had to share this and here seemed to be the ideal place to put it. So here it is. Sorry it's so small.

Time to close this down?

2009-08-12T20:52:00.002Z

There's nothing worse that a blog that's not regularly updated. Well, okay, so maybe there's a lot of things worse than that. But I find it very frustrating as a reader. And therefore I find myself very frustrated that I so rarely post anything here. Rachael hardly ever did in the first place, and Ainsworth - well, let's face it he always asked me to do it for him anyway. And keen though he is on the laptop he shows no signs of posting all by himself just yet.

I'm wondering whether it might be time to call it a day.

A few snippets of news.

2009-06-08T11:55:00.002Z

Blog is much neglected, so here are a couple of "growing up" snippets:

The cot is now in the loft. After a few changes of mind (Cot? Bed? Cot? Bed?) Ainsworth has settled in a bed and we've packed the cot away.
Big. Boy. Pants. Yes, things have started. And not led by us at all. We'd picked up a few pairs of pants a while ago, and occasionally after tea and before bath Ainsworth would have "no nappy time" or "big boy pants time". Last week he asked for big boy pants at bed time, so he had a pair over his nappy. And then the next morning he didn't want to put a nappy on, so unexpectedly we were launched into the world of potty training. And you know what? He's doing an absolutely marvellous job. This is day five.

So there you have it. I do hope to reinstate the photos that were on here, but haven't decided the best way to go about it yet. Maybe one day...

Online privacy and photographs

2009-05-18T11:27:00.002Z

If anyone looks here regularly, I thought I should let you know I've made a change to the privacy settings on our photos. All my online photos are on Flickr, and until now I've always had them openly available. Rachael's never been especially comfortable with that. So, after a couple of chats over the weekend, family photos (as opposed to all my random shots) are now marked on Flickr as viewable by "Friends and Family" only. So if you click on the link on the right, where it says "photos galore!", you'll still see plenty of photos but none of Ainsworth. They are still on Flickr, so if we actually know you and you'd like to be able to see them, you can either sign up for a flickr account, and I'll mark you as a friend, or ask me to email you a guest pass.

I'd recommend signing up for an account - Flickr is a great service - but if all you want to do is look, then a guest pass will do just fine.

I've just noticed that all the photos on this blog have disappeared as a result (they were all linked from Flickr to here). Not sure what I'm going to do about that yet.

Busy doing everything.

2009-05-06T08:22:00.003Z

Hello everyone. Daddy told me that he and Mummy haven't put much on here for ages, and it made me remember that I haven't either. Sorry; I know you're all desperate to read about everything that goes on in my life but I've just been so so busy doing, well, everything to get on here as often as I should. I'll tell you more soon, but until then I'll just give you one word:

"Legoland."

How to behave in a coffee shop. A lesson.

2009-02-18T21:33:00.001Z

How to behave in a coffee shop. A lesson.
Originally uploaded by Trevor Coultart

We are so very proud of him, you know.

Creative thinking.

2009-02-03T20:23:00.004Z

Ainsworth did something last night that made me run to get the camera. He was playing with some Sticklebricks and suddenly turned to point at what he'd made:

And then he proudly told us what they were: "Laptops"

Amazing.

Little Drummer Boy. 22 months.

2009-01-13T21:35:00.001Z

Ainsworth to the rescue!

2009-01-08T22:27:00.002Z

So here's the story: Rachael was using the jet-wash while Ainsworth sat and played happily in the passenger seat. (Can you guess what's coming yet?)

The car nicely washed, she went to open the door. Locked. Tried the other doors. Locked. Boot? Locked*. Her keys? In her handbag. In the car. A slight panic. Her mum was due to arrive on the train fairly soon; how would Rachael get to the station to pick her up? Oh, and Ainsworth was locked in the car.

She ran over to the kiosk and explained. They recommended calling the police to break in, and one of them phoned while Rachael went back to the car to check on Ainsworth. Another member of staff accompanied her, and asked whether he was old enough to open the door from inside. Surely not, she thought. But worth a try.

She smiled at him, and called through the window: "pull the handle for Mummy". He reached over and pulled on the big handle - the one you'd use to pull the door closed. "Try the little shiny handle." And to her amazement and delight he reached round a bit further, pulled the handle, and the door swung open.

He's not two until March.

* At first she assumed the car had locked itself (it does do all sorts of things automatically) but talking it through later it dawned on us that Ainsworth had probably pressed the central locking button whilst playing.

Kangaroo

2008-12-04T23:44:00.001Z

Kangaroo
Originally uploaded by Trevor Coultart

There's so much to say about what Ainsworth is getting up to these days. Here's a wee video of a litle game he invented at Nanna's the other week. More to follow!

We were right about at least one thing!

2008-11-27T12:53:00.003Z

When we were choosing a pushchair for Ainsworth, we really only had two main criteria: it had to lay completely flat for when he was tiny and it must be able to be used so that he would be facing us when he was in it. The problem with the latter choice is it simply ruled out all the cheaper options - only the most expensive models had a rear-facing capability. But we were adamant, so we spent the extra.

And now we see we've been proven right! Research published last week has indicated that babies who spend time in rear-facing pushchairs are happier and less prone to stress.

Proud Mummy-Moments!

2008-11-19T20:06:00.003Z

If I'm not inspired to write something here today, then I never will be! Someone asked if they could share a 'proud Mummy moment' with me the other week and I thought then what a lovely turn of phrase it was - and I want to share such a moment with all the world right now...

Ainsworth peeled and ate a clementine all on his own this evening!! Now, this may not seem like much, but he has not liked citrus fruit so far and the route to eating clementines has been slow. It started a couple of weeks ago with him licking a segment of mine, pulling a funny face then giving it back to me. He did this every day for a few days then he progressed to biting into it, pulling an even funnier face and giving it back! He ate a whole segment about a week ago, but did not want anymore. Today we bought another bag of clementines and he had a segment of mine, then asked for more. He watched me peel him one then ate it all, and asked for more! So I got him another one from the bowl and before I could peel it he had taken it out of my hands and started peeling it himself... Trevor and I both watched in amazement, expecting it to become a soggy mess and in need of rescuing if any of it was to be edible, but no! He peeled the whole thing and ate it all - then signed finished, just for good measure! How amazed were we?!

At bath time he really made me smile when he took off his trousers, socks, shirt (once Trevor had undone the buttons) and vest (once Trevor had helped him take his arms out of the sleeves). And I was astonished to see him lay himself down on the mat because Daddy had spotted poo in his nappy and wanted to clean him up before getting in the bath! And miracle, of miracles, he told me when it was time for me to clean his teeth and he lay back on my lap to let me do it - astonishing, given the agro we've had some nights!

And then at bedtime I watched him do a new puzzle from the Toy Library and carefully put all the pieces back in the bag. When it came to putting the base board away, it wouldn't fit in easily, so he took all the pieces back out, put the base board in and then loaded the pieces back into the bag before carefully zipping it closed - amazing!

Children really are fantastic :o)

All his own work.

2008-11-17T00:11:00.001Z

All my own work
Originally uploaded by Trevor Coultart

Today Ainsworth surprised us by building this track without any assistance from either of us. He surprises us most days at the moment. It's amazing.

Noooo!

2008-11-14T09:32:00.003Z

Just looked back at the last post. I seem to have forgotten to mention that he's also saying "No". We're hearing that one a bit too often for my liking!

Words, words, words!

2008-10-31T20:09:00.004Z

People often ask if Ainsworth is talking yet. And I've said for a long time yes! He's been talking for ages. But I know what they really mean is is he using any words yet. Well, yes, he's been using a few more and more lately, and the other night Rachael sat down and made list. this is what we can remember hearing so far (in no particular order):

Bobo (the monkey in Hug)

Boo!

Poo (which sounds like boo but usually comes with pointing at his bottom)

Down

Mamma

Dadda

Bear

Blue

Banana

Uh, oh!

Oh dear!

Big

Cheers

Cheese

Dark

Brrr! (I think this counts as a word. Must remember it next time I'm playing scrabble!)

Bye Bye

As well as saying words, he's still signing, and the amazing thing is he'll still occasionally surprise us by using a sign he's never used before. He signed "orange bus" the other day. He's done "bus" a lot but orange was completely new to us.

There is so much more I could say. Maybe next time!

(I wonder if it's possible to set up some kind of template that automatically starts every post with "oh my goodness it's been far too long since I've put anything on here"? It would save me the bother of saying so every time.)

Cookery and bubbles

2008-10-01T12:07:00.002Z

What was that about posting more regularly? Ah, well. Here's a couple of recent short video clips...

Where have we been?

2008-09-09T20:11:00.003Z

Last post 1st July? Oh dear. So much has been happening, but we've been rubbish at updating things here. It's not as if I never get online, either; if anything I spend far too much time online, mostly on Facebook these days but that's another story.

Ainsworth has grown up so much over the summer. His walking has developed into running and climbing (and comical attempts at jumping, so far unsuccessful) and his talking remains beautiful. So very very expressive and flowing, full of passion and feeling. Once he actually starts using some words we recognise there'll be no stopping him. We're constantly amazed to watch him learning new skills. He seems to have an incredible perseverance and will sit for a long time trying to work out how to, say, unscrew the lid of a toothpaste tube, or fit that awkward piece into a puzzle. He's developed a love for books, and will often choose some from his book basket and bring then to us to read, or simply take himself off on his own and sit studying them intently. (Recent favourites: We're going on a Bear Hunt, Dear Zoo, Dog, and the very beautiful Hug.)

Well, enough glowing for now. I'll be back soon, but in the meantime here's my favourite recent picture. There are plently more on Flickr.

A new hat

2008-07-01T18:47:00.006Z

I often wave bye-bye to Daddy when he's on his way to work, and although he looks a bit funny in his special hat I have to own up to a touch of jealousy. Sometimes I've tried it on when he's not wearing it. But it falls off.

So today I got a big surprise when Daddy took my to a special shop where they had lots of hats just like his, and a kind man helped us to find one that fits me perfectly. And it's such a funky colour, too! Much better than Daddy's. I enjoyed trying it on in the shop so much that Daddy let me keep it on until we got back to the car.

But then things just got better. There was a special seat that Daddy had shown me before in the garage, but today it was attached to his bike and I was allowed to sit in it - wearing my fantastic hat - and we went for a little ride together. It was such fun! Daddy was being very careful (I'm sure I've seen him go faster than we did today) and, as I enjoyed it so much, he says we can go on a longer ride tomorrow: all the way to Sing and Sign! (As long as this lovely weather sticks around.)

"Where's daddy's tummy?"

2008-06-29T22:01:00.001Z

"Where's daddy's tummy?"
Originally uploaded by Trevor Coultart

Oh dear - once again it's been far too long between posts. I have a couple of things in mind to write about, too, but time keeps running away with me somehow. (Spending too long reading other people's blogs and not enough time thinking about this one!)

For now, here's a fun moment caught on video by no less a filmmaker than my very own mother. Well filmed, Mum!

Wheeee!

2008-06-18T06:37:00.000Z

Singing, Signing, Sliding and Sand

2008-06-14T12:06:00.007Z

Now there's a tongue twister title for those of you who can talk!

I just thought I should report that my singing is really improving and it is great for getting off to sleep. I particularly like it a Music Train when we do the loud stuff - I'm really good at that. I do sometimes do the quiet stuff, but only at home with Mummy and Daddy. The instruments at Music Train are great too. Recently we've had these long tubes to bash on the floor and hit together - they make a great noise!

I'm still working hard at copying Mummy and Daddy's words and sometimes they get very excited when I mimic them quite accurately, but best of all is signing! It really works! The other day daddy was having a cup of tea but it wasn't his normal mug, which has pictures of birds on it. I had to let him know he'd made a mistake, so pointed at the mug and signed "bird" and "where" repeatedly until he'd understood. And yesterday I added 'hippo' to my repertoire. Perhaps not quite as useful as 'more', 'eat', 'drink', 'thank you' or 'finished', but Daddy was very impressed all the same. Other people have started to notice my signs too and that makes Mummy feel very proud.

Careful with the sand...

Finally, I wanted to tell you about my new sand tray (which sometimes has water in it too!). We bought it from a big shop with lots of toys in, but it was the absolute best thing there. And the lady from the shop had to help us get it into the car because it was so big! Mummy really likes the fact that it has a big umbrella over it to keep the sun off me, Daddy really likes squashing the sand into funny shapes, and I really like tipping the sand from one section into the other. Daddy taught me how to scoop it up carefully and pour it out accurately, so now I am expert at it. And all my friends love to play in it when they come to visit! I should also add that I have now successfully mastered going up and down my slide on my own, so the garden is just the bet place to play at the moment.

Not so careful with the water!

Sleep

2008-06-14T11:58:00.003Z

It has been a little while since we mentioned the dreaded subject of sleep, but at last we have good things to report! The boy sleeps well! I did read more of the 'No cry sleep solution' and tweeked his bedtime routine as a result. This sometimes involves him actually going into his cot awake and 'singing' himslef to sleep, or he puts his teddy (Honey) into the cot and falls asleep on his bottle as before. Either way, he is going down at 6.30 and sleeping through until 5.30'ish with only one or two wakes that need our assistance. And this has been the case for about a month now! Added to this, he is sleeping a good one and a half to two hours in the morning, which is great for getting stuff (like school work) done.

What a champ!

The Cycle of Life

2008-06-13T19:31:00.004Z

Every day I look at Ainsworth and marvel at the miracle of life. He amuses me, frustrates me, exhausts me, leaves me feeling guilty, perplexed and amazed. I love to discover something new that makes him laugh and watch him discover something new in ordinary everyday things. (Today he spent half an hour climbing up and down the hill at the back of our house and another twenty minutes putting stones from the road into the recycling box!)

Reflecting on our little bundle of life has added another dimension to my grief over the tragic loss of my brother five years ago and my Dad two and a half years ago. I'm struggling to articulate how his life has put a different perspective on their deaths, but it has. In some respects it has intensified my grief - they would both have loved Ainsworth so much and I would have loved to see him with them. The fact that this will never be so pains me to the core. And yet, in another way, his life coming after their deaths was very restorative for my soul. It was proof-positive of the the never ending cycle of life, and that was strangely reassuring.

I'd like to think (perhaps somewhat naively) that Dad and Dan have some concept of what is going on in our lives and are enjoying Ainsworth from afar. Dan was always on at us to have children because he believed it was the best thing he'd ever done - and I know where he was coming from now!

What's in a name? Part 2

2008-06-07T20:55:00.004Z

Some months ago I wrote about how we chose Ainsworth's names.

Before choosing Ainsworth I asked my brother how people had responded to his son's name, which is also unusual, and he said that the response had been "almost universally positive". Well, looking back over the last 15 months or so I'm pleased to report the same. The "oh, wow" that we hear when people first hear the name is a positive one. People tend to like it, and it's been described as very English and very refined. They often ask if it's a family name (it is, but we're not aware of it having been used as a first name before).

A few folk have taken to shortening it to Ains or Ainsy, which doesn't surprise me, and almost inevitably there have been a couple of people who've thought it was Ainsley. One or two call him AJ, which we said we'd use but in fact don't often. What do we call him day to day? We call him Ainsworth.

My one concern about the name Ainsworth is this: I don't pronounce it very well. My enunciation isn't brilliant generally, and this is just one of those words that doesn't easily come out right. "Ains" is fine, it's the "worth" that gets twisted. I've heard myself saying versions that sound close to Ainsuth, Ainswoof, Ainsvuth, Ainswuss and Ainzuss.

I guess I should work on it, because I'm sure I'm going to saying it a lot for the rest of my lifetime.

DIY - lesson 1 of 1

2008-05-29T13:18:00.000Z

Lesson 1: choose your materials carefully.

I am not a natural DIY expert. Here's my latest project: a blackboard for Ainsworth to use in the garden.

I think it went pretty well. Three panels of wood sanded and coated with three coats each of fancy and expensive blackboard paint (magnetic, no less!) carefully attached to two batons and attached to the outside wall. It was fairly level. With no drips. And he loved it.

And then the rain came.

Wood warps when it gets damp. Well, cheap wood does anyway. Badly. And falls off the wall as a result.

Back to the drawing board...

The No-Cry Sleep Solution

2008-05-28T22:36:00.000Z

This is not really a book review, as I've not read the book. But I do believe that The No-Cry Sleep Solution has miraculous powers. And I really mean miraculous.

A friend had recommended it, and eventually I ordered a copy from the library. When it came in I keenly collected it and took it home. And here's where I believe that the book itself has mystical powers: none of us had even opened it. It was, in fact, still in my bag. But that very night Ainsworth slept all the way through. Its very presence in the house was enough.

Well, okay so it didn't last long, but that was a couple of weeks ago and we're really pleased that he has slept very much better over the last few nights. Whether that's because of the book I don't know (I've still not read it and I've no idea how Rachael's getting on with it) but a slight change in the bedtime routine and he seems to be getting the idea at last.

And now we're beginning to have a bit of a battle with food...

Snippets

2008-05-24T21:40:00.004Z

The boy is still a bit poorly. His cough has been lingering for over two months now. Doctors have changed their mind as to whether there's an infection or not; currently there is, apparently. We dodn't want him on antibiotics again, which out GP understands, so he's currently on something else to loosen up his airway (but not Ventolin Syrup, which we also wanted to avoid).
His signing is coming on and is proving to be a really useful tool. There are moments of confusion, such as when he walks around signing "where?" but we have no idea what he's looking for, but overall it's been a great benefit to understanding each other and I'm very very glad we've done it.
Sleeping is still not his favourite pastime.
He loves to play "housey" type of games like cooking and playing with a toy tea-set. It's what he sees us doing, I guess. Sometimes he'll sit quietly for ages concentrating hard on sorting things into piles by colour or shape or unspecified criteria, or seeing how many of something he can get into one hand. His concentration levels seem excellent.
Our part-time pattern of working - Rachael having him three days a week and me two - is working brilliantly. There are some differences between Daddy Days and Mummy Days (how does she manage to get so much done while she's with him?) but he's developing a relationship with us both as individuals as well as within the family group. So glad we've been able to work things this way. We know several couples who've said they envy us.
And much much more.
If you've explored the links on this page, you'll have seen that I'm also keeping a separate personal blog, originally about my alleged spiritual life. Well I wasn't posting there much either, so have decided to open that blog up to whatever grabs my attention on any given day. If you're interested, do feel free to pop in for a look. (I'm also using it to see how Wordpress compares with Blogger. So far I can see advantages to both systems.)

A welcome break

2008-05-13T22:38:00.003Z

Just back from a great short holiday in the Lake District celebrating Rachael's Mum's 65th birthday. If you're interested there are plenty more photos here.

All sorts of stuff.

2008-05-05T21:30:00.005Z

Mums and Dads, eh? What are they like? I've been busy busy busy learning new things and generally being as clever as I can, confident in the knowledge that my Mum and Dad regularly tell the whole world all my exploits by detailing every little thing here, and now I check up on them again and what do I find? Very little. Poor show, Mum and Dad; poor show.

You see, the last few weeks have seen a huge increase in my confidence. My walking, let me tell you, is now super-confident and I like to stay on my feet as much as possible. Until recently I still preferred to crawl if I wanted to get somewhere quickly, but no longer! I am now a man on a mission: to stay upright as much as I can. Unless, of course, I have a particularly tricky obstacle to negotiate.

Stairs are a special kind of obstacle, so I've had to learn a special strategy to manage them, but I'm pleased to report that not only can I crawl up the stairs at super-fast pace, I'm now pretty confident about crawling backwards down them. Mum even leaves the gate open sometimes knowing I'll make my own way down the stairs safely if I really want to. (But she does still keep a close eye on me to check I'm doing it properly.)

Daddy did mention a while ago that I've started to use a few signs to communicate. For some reason I seem to have been born speaking a different language from everyone around me so a few signs are indeed proving useful until I can get them to learn my language. I've recently realised that it might be easier for me to learn their language so I'm trying to copy a few bits of what they say, but my tongue can't quite work out how to do it yet. I'll get there, I'm sure.

Here's a few recent pictures. I'm told there are even more on Daddy's Flickr page.

Here I am taking the sofa to pieces.
I love jumping on the cushions.

I loved rocking out to daddy's band at a friend's party!
(That's daddy on the drums, but I was most
interested in all the wires and buttons.)

Helping with the cooking is one of my favourite things.
I'm not sure what recipe this was, but mummy gave
me all these bits to use so it must be delicious.

Dad said I used to sleep in this basket and have plenty of
room to roll around. Silly Daddy: baskets don't shrink!

I love to help with the tidying up. Here I am trying
out a new broom at the local garden centre...

...and here I'm tidying the house
after grandma's been for a visit.

See, told you.

2008-04-16T07:03:00.001Z

Well, we should have known it was a one-off.

Not celebrating just yet...

2008-04-15T20:21:00.001Z

...But last night he went to sleep and 7:30 and didn't wake until 4:30 this morning.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Poorly boy. But a constant deleight.

2008-04-11T11:51:00.003Z

Well, we've not been good at updating here, but one of the reasons is that poor Ainsworth has been pretty poorly. Starting with a chest infection before his birthday, he's been on two lots of antibiotics (one for the original infection and some eyedrops to help with some conjunctivitis) and still has a lingering chesty cough (that's been waking him at night) and snotty nose (that's getting sore from having us wipe it all the time. Well, I don't want snot on my jumper, thanks very much). And then he picked up a tummy bug which has had him in what looks like a lot of discomfort and has made for some particularly lovely leaky nappies. We kept him off all food for a whole day and his appetite has returned, but the nappies are only slowly retuning to normal. (And now he's gone and passed the tummy bug on to me, and I tell you it's not pleasant.)

But despite all of this - yes, even the extra disturbed nights - he is a constant source of amazement and delight to us every day. He is learning so much and it's a thrill to see him examine things to work out how they fit together. Or more often come apart. (In fact I got home from work yesterday to find beside my bed that he'd taken the cellophane wrapper off a completely sealed pack of - oh, hang on, perhaps I shouldn't say.)

His walking is slowly becoming more confident and he beams with pride as he wobbles from one place to another. He talks constantly. Such an expressive language he has - it would be lovely to know what he's saying a lot of the time because he clearly has a lot to say and wants us to hear it.

And that brings me to one of my favourite things - he's using an increasing number of signs to really communicate with us. We started Sing and Sign classes when he was only about six months old, and we're about to move up to the stage two class. It's only been recently that he's actually started to use the signs himself, but now he's realised they work he seems to be adding more and more to his repertoire. Off the top of my head, he currently uses the following signs fairly consistently and in an appropriate context

milk
finished
hot
monkey
elephant (not the official sign
but one he made up)
home
up
bird
dog
music
bee*
cat*
cow*
rabbit*

(* these last few a only vague approximations, but he's working on them!)

I'm sure there are more - I'll update the list when I think of them. He sees us - especially me - using them much of the time so is beginning to make the connections between the signs, the words, and the objects. And all before he can talk. Well, before he can talk our language, anyway.

A couple of pics

2008-04-05T23:31:00.004Z

Hi folks. Here are a couple of recent pictures in lieu of a proper post.

Ainsworth has been quite poorly with a tummy bug this week and still has a lingering chesty cough that's been with him for about a month, so his sleeping's been all over the place - even more than normal. It's been a tiring week.

It's a small world

2008-03-28T23:32:00.003Z

Over the last year I've made a few friends online. There's a list on the side of the page so that you can see their blogs if you want to. Well, until this week they've all been kids I've only met online. But something strange has happened. I've never met Pheobe (I only know her because my dad is friends with one her Mum's best friends), but I was reading her blog and on one post there were some photos of her playing with a friend called Charlie. Well, what a surprise I had when I saw them! I know Charlie! She's in my Sing and Sign class. And it turns out that she has a blog all of her own! So now I have a friend online who's also a friend in real life.

That's all I've got time for just now. Next time I promise to tell you a little about my trip to Scotland (in the car!) last weekend, my growing communication expertise, and my continued experiments with walking. Well, I might remember all of those things. (But you might need to remind me if I forget. I'm easily distracted.)

Advice needed...

2008-03-19T22:45:00.001Z

Anyone out there got any advice, hints or top tips for successfully administering eye drops to a struggling one-year-old?

These feet were made for walking

2008-03-17T11:23:00.000Z

Hey everyone - have I got some news for you!

I've been spending a lot of time practicing using my feet lately. Ever since Mum & Dad bought me my toddle truck I've spent a few minutes every day strolling around with it. Okay, so I can only go in one direction, but boy can I pick up some speed when I need to. Well, it had been fun, but to be frank I'd got a little bored with going up and down the sitting room so the time had come to branch out.

So I took my hands off.

And then I put them back on.

And do know what? Nothing dramatic happened in between.

And since then I've experimented with standing. I'd occasionally stand for a few seconds before getting tired - or just a bit wobbly - and quickly sitting down, but over the last few days I've managed to stand for A Very Long Time. And I've worked out how to get up to a stand from a sit - which is pretty clever, let me tell you.

But the really big news is yet to come: yesterday I was standing at the sofa and fancied getting to my new car seat, which was in the sitting room for some reason but just out of reach even when I took my hands of the sofa. Feeling brave, I decided to pick up one foot, move it closer to the car seat, and put it back down again. And then I could reach! Daddy was so pleased he picked me up and ran upstairs to tell Mummy.

So today I thought I should show Mummy what I'd done, and - feeling a lot more confident about it - took five steps across the kitchen floor to reach her.

I feel a sense of freedom coming on!

The first year

2008-03-04T23:21:00.000Z

We've reached Ainsworth's birthday already. Can you believe it?

I would so love to update our loyal readers (two of you at most, I would guess) with all manner of things, but time has run away with me once again tonight so you'll just have to keep waiting patiently for an update.

Suffice to say, it's been an amazing year.

Totsgear excel themselves

2008-02-27T22:53:00.002Z

I wrote about Totsgear last week. Well, the car seat came in one week later, and they phoned to let us know - and delivered it to us the next day. No delivery charge. Amazing.

A true dilemma

2008-02-18T09:23:00.004Z

I haven't looked up the official definition of 'dilemma', but I'm pretty sure that what we go through at night with Ainsworth is a true dilemma... on the one hand we don't believe leaving him to cry is right and really want to pick him up and cuddle him when he's crying, and on the other, when we know there is nothing wrong and all he wants is to be rocked off to sleep because he can't get himself back off, what should we do?

We've tried 'pick-up, put-down', we've tried rocking him off to sleep, we've tried leaving him, we've recorded every wake-up and looked for patterns, we've screwed ourselves up in emotional knots trying to do the right thing, but still he wakes frequently and sometimes takes up to an hour and a half to resettle - which is very frustrating at 2am.

Then last week, after 80 minutes of trying to settle him, we left him to cry. It was horrid, but it seemed like there was nothing else to do. Does the saying 'cruel to be kind' ring true here? I don't know. What I do know is that after leaving him a few times (and it takes about 45 minutes from mega-screams to whinging to sleep) he does seem to be getting better at settling himself back to sleep. He did it twice the other night and only cried for 10 minutes last night after I left him.

I always go through to him when he cries, but I'm trying to be perfunctory - change his nappy, offer water, brief cuddle - and not stay very long so he gets the message that waking at night is not on. I do hope he's not made less secure as a result of being left alone at night. I do hope he knows we love him and are there for him when he really needs us. But it must be very confusing for him and I wish I knew what the right thing to do was... but then I guess a lot of parenting is like that.

An advertisement...

2008-02-17T21:33:00.005Z

This isn't really the place for advertising or promotion, but we were so impressed with our local independent nursery shop this weekend that I thought I should tell the world.

We'd just started wondering what Ainsworth's next car seat would be, and had seen an advert for the Bebe Confort Axiss. We immediately thought we'd found what we were looking for, but needed, of course, to check it works in our car. Our local Mothercare didn't have one in stock, so while we were out and about yesterday we popped in to Totsgear, a small, friendly, family-run store in Hitchin which we already knew because it's where we'd bought his Bugaboo.

Well, they had an Axiss on display, and they showed us how it worked. We asked about trying it in our car (which, at that moment, was parked on the other side of town) and it turns out that they come to your house to do it. What's more he could come the very next day (ie, today. Yes, that's Sunday morning). Sure enough, this morning at ten o'clock on the dot, as arranged, the Totsgear van pulled up outside carrying their demo Axiss (and a few alternatives), and the proprietor put it in the car for us, checked it fitted correctly, and showed us how to do it.

We placed an order there and then and it'll be with us within two weeks.

And the really amazing thing? There's no charge for the home fitting, and - despite such brilliant personal service - the car seat is costing us less than anywhere I've found online.

Now that's what I call a shop.

999 emergency

2008-02-13T21:48:00.002Z

Someone in the house phoned 999 this morning.

I'll give you a clue: it wasn't me, and it wasn't Rachael.

New timetable

2008-01-28T22:20:00.000Z

Remember I told you about my funny week? Well it's happened three times now and shows every sign of continuing. The biggest clue, apart from the smile on Daddy's face, is the new timetable that's appeared on my bedroom door. Mummy or Daddy show it to me every day to help me keep track of what type of day it is. There are "Mummy Days", "Daddy Days" and - best of all - "Mummy and Daddy Days".

We had a really good Mummy and Daddy day this weekend, when we went to visit a small zoo not far from here. There were tigers and ponies and and lemurs and donkeys and parrots and pigs and lions and fish and bats and GIANT guinea pigs and snakes and raccoons and goats and lots of other animals. Oh, and a llama who kept aiming his sneezes at me. Daddy ran away to keep us safe. My favorites were the macaws. They were talking to me so I tried to talk back. I need to practice my macaw noises though because I don't think they understood me. The goats were shouting at each other as well and that made me laugh.

Mummy and me feeding a pony

There was also a huge ball pool and not many people there so I had it all to myself for ages, which gave Mum and dad the chance to eat their sandwiches.

I've just read what Daddy's been saying about me. It's true I did use my potty a few times, but I think Daddy was a bit too proud (and why should he be proud when it's me that's being clever) so let me tell you I've decided very definitely not to use it since then. I am not sitting on the thing. No. I. Am. Not.

Anyway, I must go and get some sleep now - I think I've got a Daddy day coming up and I want lots of energy to keep him busy.

Planning my next special day

Ten-month (and a bit) progress report

2008-01-15T21:00:00.000Z

I keep thinking about things I should post here, and then they slip my mind or time passes, and I end up thinking that a post covering everything would be far too long. So here's a few highlights off the top of my head...

Food
Since he's been on solids, virtually all his food has been made by us (okay: mostly Rachael), almost exclusively from one of Annabel Karmel's recipe books. We tend to give him some finger food (bread, rusk) and spoon the rest in ourselves. Just recently he's started to push our hands away even though he's hungry; he wants to feed himself rather than be fed like a baby. We've started giving him a spoon and are keeping a very close eye on what's going on. Things are starting to get messy!
Movement
He's now developed a really good proper crawl, on hands and knees. At first he'd get up on his hands and knees but drop to elbows and tummy to get anywhere, but now he's really going for it. He's been pulling himself up to his feet for a while, and now cruises around the furniture fairly well, although our sofa arms are too high for him to get past so he gets a bit stuck. We bought him a "Toddle Truck" - one of those old-fashioned trays full of building blocks with wheels and a handle - thinking he'd play with the bricks for now and use it to walk later. On day one he was happy walking along with it while we held it (to stop it rolling away too quickly), but the next day he pulled himself up on it and promptly walked across the room without any help at all. And, boy, did he look pleased with himself! He's also - once only - stood entirely unsupported for about 20-30 seconds; We really couldn't believe our eyes.
Sleep
Now here's an area where we really needed to see some progress, so I'm very pleased to say we're beginning to. Rachael had been keeping records of every time he woke and for how long, to see if we could identify a pattern. Sure enough, we decided much of his waking was not out of discomfort, hunger, wind, teeth, or anything else we could think of, so it must have been simply habitual. So we changed our strategy again (settle him in the cot and only pick him up if absolutely necessary) and after a fairly short time the wakes have become shorter and now less frequent. We've even had a few "through the nights" which is fantastic.
Other physical development
He has two teeth, and still very little hair. Everyone tells us how beautiful he is, and we agree with them. The potty has been an astonishing success: we does a wee in it most days, and has even done a poo in it several times. We're keeping quiet about that in case it sounds too boastful! And today he had an eye test because we thought we'd seen a bit of a squint in one eye, but he passed with flying colours, picking out faint shapes on the paper that usually defeat older babies. The last one I couldn't see without my glasses!

I'm sure there is much more to tell, but I started by saying I didn't want the post to be too long, so I shall stop here.

A different kind of week

2008-01-13T22:42:00.000Z

Something funny happened this week, and I think I quite liked it - although I was a bit confused at first. It started on Tuesday morning: when I woke up, Mummy gave me my milk as normal but then she went out to work and left me to look after Daddy by myself until it was nearly my bath time. I had to explain to him what we like to do on a Tuesday, and he must have understood because after breakfast he took me to the library where I meet up with a group for some singing. I was pretty tired after that so I got Daddy to walk me around in my pram for an hour and a half. I find the movement helps me to sleep, but I think he might have stopped for a coffee at some point. We spent the afternoon playing at home and I practiced walking with my new toddle-truck. I surprised everyone last week by pulling myself up on it and strolling right across the room without anyone's help.

Mummy was very pleased to see me when she finally came home, so I gave her an extra-big cuddle on the sofa. She looked like she needed it.

If I thought Tuesday was odd, though, you should hear what happened on Wednesday: I woke up and Mummy had already gone out! I called out for Daddy, and he had to give me my milk and my breakfast. We went out shopping in the morning (some people might think that's pretty boring, but I quite enjoy it because there's always lots of interesting stuff to look at), but because Daddy wanted to get back in the car to come home we had lunch at a funny time and I didn't really feel very hungry. It was okay though, because in the afternoon I took daddy along to Sing and Sign with some of my best friends. (I haven't really got the hang of any of the signs yet, but I do like to point at things and have lately started to clap and wave, too.) I slept in the car after that, and then my supper was late.

After all the confusion it was good to wake up on Thursday and find things back to normal. I wonder what will happen this week?

Photos - and a video!

2008-01-01T22:24:00.000Z

I've neglected Ainsworth's photo site lately, and hadn't uploaded any new shots for the whole of December. Finally I've taken some time out to get things up to date. Here's a link to the site, and here's one to a slideshow of the December shots.

Way back in April I mentioned that we'd put together a video for the grandmas to enjoy. Well, we've continued with that and have done five videos so far, the latest of which was given as an extra Christmas present. When I get around to it, I'll put them on so you can watch them here if you feel so inclined, but there is one short extract of Ainsworth and his Grandma that I just had to share. It makes us smile so much every time we watch it. Make sure your volume is turned up...

More new tricks

2007-12-29T15:00:00.000Z

And what a gorgeous little boy we do have! I always known all parents are proud of their children, but words cannot describe the loveliness of that feeling as I gaze in wonderment at our offspring. He is truely awesome...

It's a good job he's so adorable during the day, because, as previously documented, nights have not been easy. Then when tooth number one appeared on Friday 14 December, I felt surprisingly relieved - maybe teething was the issue that had unsettled our sleep pattern, and it wasn't just that I was a useless parent. Then tooth number two appeared on Monday 17 December and we had a few better nights. He did give us the Christmas present we asked for - a whole night's sleep on 24 December :o) Alas, last night I committed a cardinal sin (in some peoples' eyes) and brought him into our bed because I couldn't face getting up and down any more :o( The thought of returning it work in less than two weeks time, with nights as broken as they are right now is fairly daunting. But I'm trying not to dwell on this issue (partly in the hope that it will go away and partly in the hope that positive thinking will work).

He is crawling much more efficiently now and on 23 December he went from crawling to sitting up all on his own - so clever! He is beginning to want to spoon feed himself - this is clearly going to be a very messy affair. He is having little 'tantrums' - head falls forward and bottom lip comes right out - when he is diverted from doing something he wants to do. I actually find this quite cute and I will have to be very careful not to openly laugh when he does it! And, yes, he did a poo in his potty this morning - not that we will shout about that too loudly as we're aware we're only at the start of what could be a two year journey.

He has spent a lot of today pulling himself up on the sofa, toy box and television unit and standing (very wobbly) trying to reach things. The energy he must be expending surely means he will sleep well tonight... I am watching him now, entertain himself beautifully at his toy box. He turns objects in his hands so precisely, presses buttons so deftly and makes connections between objects and ideas all the time - he is truely awesome!

A wee? That's nothing!

2007-12-29T14:43:00.000Z

Mummy and Daddy seemed to be pretty pleased with me when I did a wee in my potty last night, so this morning I thought I'd really show them how clever I am by doing a poo in it. Now that did get them excited!

Wee-hee!

2007-12-28T22:09:00.000Z

Today we bought a potty and tonight he did a wee in it before getting into the bath! Pretty good for nine and a half months, methinks, so we've started the long road to getting rid of nappies :o)

So much else has happened recently, but I'm not going to do a Trevor and sit here until midnight typing...

Christmas letter 2007

2007-12-16T23:41:00.000Z

To save the planet - and, to be frank, money - we've not sent Christmas cards this year except to those we can't reach by email. To avoid annoying everyone by attaching a large file to an email, I put a copy of our 2007 Christmas letter online and just emailed a link. Seeing as it's there, feel free to take a look.

....or maybe not

2007-12-15T07:07:00.001Z

Perhaps I spoke to soon. Rachael tells methis morning that last night was "The Worst Night Ever". And I slept through the whole thing, knocked out be some pretty hefty antibiotics I'm on for an infection in my elbow.

Don't know what else to say, so here's one of my favourite recent pictures.

Look at this face. Who'd have thought nights could be so hard?

Night-time nightmares. A temporary respite coming?

2007-12-14T19:58:00.001Z

For several weeks, night-times have been utterly frustrating, emotionally draining, and, to be frank, bloody hard work. Ainsworth went from sleeping brilliantly at a few weeks, through sleeping okay, to sleeping as little as possible. We've had no real pattern: some nights it's been only a couple of wakes - but lasting an hour or more of full-on screaming; others it's been lots of little wakes - as many as 14 in a night. We've tried various things: going through straight away to calm him or leaving him for a while each time; picking him up or not; giving him extra milk; crying into our pillows and wishing it would end soon. All sorts. Leaving him crying was a last resort that we tried but every instinct in us told us it was simply wrong. Cruel, even. And so we've reverted to going through to his room and calming him in his cot, picking him up only as a last resort. But it's really getting Rachael down.

And then this morning we discovered a tooth. Has that been what all the fuss has been about? And if so can we hope for some sleep at last.

New Tricks

2007-11-30T10:36:00.000Z

It is absolutely fantastic to watch Ainsworth develop both physically and emotionally. It is not surprising that he is acquiring new skills almost daily at the moment - some are better tricks than others, however!

We delighted in his new 'finger pointing' trick last weekend. He will do it at the meal table to amuse, he will point at people in photos and he will point to show which direction he wants to go in. All very clever!

And as we meet and greet various people he is delighting them with a lovely smile and nose wrinkle - very cute!

He continues to amuse himself beautifully with the toys in his basket for up to half an hour.

Unfortunately two days ago his latest trick was to spit food out. He has learnt that his tongue can push food out of his mouth quite effectively - not something to be encouraged! And then this morning, as I was forcing down another syringe full of antibiotic, I realised why he'd learnt this latest trick... he may not be able to get the medicine out, but he's showing me he does have some control over what goes into his mouth!

Hey ho, let's hope he learns to feed himself soon!

The grand plan revealed

2007-11-20T21:48:00.000Z

Have I mentioned our "grand plan" here? I don't believe I have. Well, the details are finally confirmed so the time has come to reveal all.

Rachael goes back to work in January. She's going to be working two days a week, and Ainsworth will be being looked after by... (wait for it...)

Me!

Yes, we're really going to give it a go. My application to go part-time has been approved, so from January we're splitting the week between us and I'll get to spend two whole days in the company of the most amazing person. It'll do us the world of good.

Daily routines

2007-11-18T20:48:00.000Z

It's been far too long since I last posted here and things have moved on a pace since I last did. Trevor is, thankfully, taking on a little more responsibility which is making life less frought. And Ainsworth is about to become mobile as his shuffling across the floor is definitely getting quicker! Anyway, to things of 'routine'...

I know, from teaching children, that they are anything but predictable, and I've always liked this slight element of uncertainty in the classroom. It keeps me on my toes and stops life being boring. However, being a fairly organised sort of person, I like routines and a little bit of predictability. These are both things I seem to have had to give up almost completely with the arrival of Ainsworth. As fast as I try to establish some sort of routine to the day, so he goes and changes it!

I really liked to transition to bottle feeding once I was set at feeding at 7am, 11am, 2pm and 6pm with three forty five minute naps at 10am, 1pm and 4pm. That didn't last long as solid foods were introduced. Then for a while we settled into waking at 5am, breakfast at 7am, snack at 10.30am, lunch at 12, afternoon bottle at 2.30pm, tea at 4.30pm, bath at 6pm and bottle before bed at 6.30pm with two naps a day of varying lengths.

Now, at 8 months, the feeding routine is still quite similar, but times can vary by up to an hour without adverse effects! It is, however the sleep patterns that seem completely random at the moment and this lack of predictabilty makes life quite challenging at times - especially for someone who likes to arrive on time for things! The bedtime routine is fantastic and very predictable, but the morning can begin any time between 5am and 8.30am... and the later he gets up, the better his mood during the day, so perhaps we can be forgiven for trying to make him go back to sleep when he wakes at 5am! I just wish we could work out what to do to make the mornings more predictable, but I guess that would make life quite boring.

Where are they?

2007-11-03T23:32:00.000Z

I thought I'd check in to see what Mummy and Daddy have been writing about me, but they've not put anything here for ages. I'm going to have to have words with them, just as soon as I can work out how to make words. (I'm practicing quite a bit these days, but so far I've only been able to make up my own words, so they can't understand what I'm saying to them.) It would take ages to fill you in on all the things we've been up to, so instead I'll show you some pictures from the last few months and tell you about them.

My first piece of solid food: a piece a raw carrot. Yes, raw. I mean, how was I supposed to get any sustenance out of that? I did give it a good suck, though, and it had an okay flavour.

This was a while ago, when I went through a phase of liking to stay in this fabby bathseat. (Now that I've grown up a bit I'm too interested in trying to crawl around the bath and put my face under the water to stay in this for long.)

Sometimes I just can't make up my mind which toy to choose from my basket.

Usually Daddy helps me with my piano playing, but this time it was mummy.

My first trip to the funfair! I wasn't allowed to go on any of the rides, but I enjoyed looking at all the lights and watching the big children (and grown-ups!) go on them.

When Mummy's got a bit tired of driving I like to help her. Change down here, Mum!

Now I'm a big boy I get to go on the swings on my own!

We went to the London Aquarium and it was amazing. I was completely fascinated by all the brilliant fish I saw. If you get the chance, you must go along!

These are out friends from Canada who came to stay with us for a few days. We're on a boat tour on the river Thames.

Andreas Luca Coultart! I got to meet my new young cousin. Ricardo is very, very proud of his new "baby brother sister" and watched me very carefully when I was playing with Andreas.

A new cousin!

2007-10-21T22:14:00.000Z

I’m told this blog is really supposed to be about me, but I had to let you know about this: I’m really excited because I’ve just heard that my cousin Ricardo’s Mum and Dad gave him a new baby boy this morning! He’s called Andreas, he was born in a pool at home (sounds fun!) and we’re going to go and visit him tomorrow.

At last I’m not the baby of the family any more.

Third Person

2007-10-14T06:04:00.000Z

Why do I find myself referring to myself in the third person when talking to Ainsworth? It's something I'd heard others do and hoped I'd never do myself, but instinctively I refer to myself as "Daddy" instead of as "I".

Why would I do such a thing?

Sharing the workload

2007-10-12T12:06:00.000Z

Okay, here's where blogging gets difficult. We said we wanted this to be about our feelings as we learn to be a family, but so far it's all been a bit happy, easy-going, lovey-dovey stuff. Let's get serious.

The last week or so has been really hard work. And not because of ill health, although that has been a factor. (AJ is much improved, though still coughing and a little chesty, and I am recovering from a pretty nasty flu thing.)

The simple fact is, I've been a bit rubbish. Folk who know us will probably think of me as a good, modern, hands-on dad who plays his part and takes his share of the work. Well, they're sadly mistaken. When it comes down to it, Rachael does everything. Okay, so I'll change nappies when I get the chance, and I'll take time to play with Ainsworth and try to get to know him. But who actually makes all the decisions around here? And who does the vast majority of the work? Don't look at me, folks.

How often have I planned what Ainsworth will eat, and when? Even what he should wear? What's going to be our strategy for those difficult night-time sessions? Hmm. I guess I have taken a back seat on all of this sort of stuff. A back seat? Hey, I've barely got on board.

So, why do I do this? Why do I let Rachael get on and organise and do everything, and sit back and just expect it all to happen, allowing resentment to build and bad feelings to brew? I wish I wish I wish I knew. It's not only been since Ainsworth has been around; this has been a recurring pattern of our married life, but when it comes to children it seems that I'm leaving things to her on the basis that I expect her to know what she's doing. As she's quite correctly pointed out, she's making this all up as she's going along, too.

Rachael said this morning that she'd decided she was coping perfectly well on her own at the moment. If I felt like contributing, she'd take whatever I felt I could offer.

How on earth have I let things reach this state?

Poorly boy

2007-10-01T20:56:00.000Z

The weekend was brilliant. Ainsworth was a superstar, guests enjoyed themselves, a great time was had by all. But there's not time to report the details now, so I'll save that until later (unless Rachael beats me too it).

But after the excitement of the weekend, Ainsworth is a bit poorly today. Rachael and I have both had colds in the last week or so, and he's resisted until now, but today he's been coughing and sniffly and not been able to settle for most of the day. Virtually no solid food has passed his lips, and come bedtime he would hardly even take his milk. One thing that has passed his lips is his first ever dose of Calpol. (At thirty weeks and a day, I don't think we've done too badly!) He eventually went to sleep and has been pretty settled for a couple of hours, but I'm not holding out much hope for a very peaceful night.

We're just very glad it didn't develop yesterday when we were busy to entertaining a hundred guests!

Day three

2007-09-28T23:42:00.000Z

Did I say a new post every day at lunchtime? I guess I didn't have time today, so here I am in the middle of the night instead.

Just a quick update: preparations continue apace for the weekend. Rachael's Mum arrived yesterday evening, and her best friend, one of the godparents (sorry, support parents), tonight. Food is being prepared, much shopping done, maps being emailed hither and thither, ceremony wording settled, cake re-iced (and yes, it really is the top tier of our wedding cake, which has been in the freezer for thirteen years apart from a brief outing when it appeared as part of our tenth anniversary cake!), photo slideshow prepared for looped projection throughout the afternoon, logistics thought through over and over again.

More family arrive tomorrow. We'll find jobs for them all.

What's in a name?

2007-09-27T13:25:00.000Z

Ainsworth James Thomas Coultart

That’s a bit unusual, isn’t it? Where did that little lot come from? Let’s start at the easy end. Coultart: well, that’s my name, isn’t it. When we got married we briefly considered taking Rachael’s surname instead, but I’m very glad we didn’t because then he’d be Ainsworth James Thomas Thomas, which would be a bit daft. Which brings us neatly on to Thomas.

Before we were married we’d chosen baby names: Thomas for a boy and… well, I won’t mention the girl’s name in case it comes in handy one day. Thomas because it was Rachael’s surname. Thomas because I’d always understood that my dad liked the name. But for various reasons which I’ll not go into now (but feel free to ask us afterwards) we didn’t end up using it as AJ’s first name.

James is easy. We could pretend it’s chosen after our first godson. We could pretend that we were following a small tradition of using James somewhere in the name: Ainsworth’s uncle is Benjamin James, his cousin in Tennyson James. But there’s a simpler reason. We wanted something starting with J so that we could call him AJ for short, and James was simply our favourite J name.

And so we get to Ainsworth. When we knew that a baby was on its way we started the name discussions in earnest. I found the lists of the most popular hundred names for boys and girls and we each went through annotating these lists with ticks and crosses. Rachael’s favourites were almost all in the top ten – which to me was in itself a reason to rule them out. And then one day, completely out of the blue, she surprised me with “How about Ainsworth?” Rachael, who had wanted to give our child a name that he would share with half his classmates, suggested Ainsworth. Now it will help if you know that Ainsworth is Rachael’s Mum’s maiden name.

I was quite taken aback initially, but very soon it started to grow on me to the point where I could think of no other name. I hoped we would be having a boy. In the meantime Rachael was becoming less sure and was finding all the reasons not to. Until the moment he was born, we hadn’t made the decision. But then 30 weeks ago we looked at his face, at just a few minutes old, and it seemed to fit.

There is one other reason. Most of you will know that one of Rachael’s brothers died a few years ago, and I’m sure a few of you may have wondered if we would call a son Daniel in his memory. I know I did. And I also know that Daniel always wanted us to have children. So we have chosen to remember Daniel: his name was Daniel John Ainsworth Thomas.

Ainsworth James Thomas Coultart: we hope he grows to love it.

(Note: this is a first draft of what I might be planning to say at Ainsworth's dedication on Sunday. Feel free to suggest amendments!)

First of many?

2007-09-24T12:12:00.000Z

I've not written here nearly as much as I'd hoped I would. Almost every day Ainsworth does something that that makes me think "that'll make a good blog post" but I never get round to writing it and now there's too much to talk about. I will try to do a bit of a catch-up by posting something each lunchtime from the office instead of reading the paper.

So, today, the first of many new posts - what shall I talk about?

We're in the middle of preparations for Ainsworth's dedication service at church on Sunday which we're hoping to be an interesting do. The dedication itself (which our minister tells us is technically an "infant presentation" but everyone refers to it as a dedication and always has) is a short part of the normal Sunday service, much like a christening but without any water. (It's a Baptist church so we leave baptism until someone's in a position to make his or her own mind up about it.) We'll make promises about how we intend to raise Ainsworth, the friends we've chosen to be Support Parents* will make a promise to support us however they see fit, the church will stand in support, and the minister will smile a lot. He loves babies. Especially ours.

We have fifty or so extra guests coming to the service, so we hope those that aren't used to church manage to get through it okay before we all depart to Rachael's school for a couple of speeches and a celebratory buffet (with bar, of course!). Rachael's speaking about our choice of Support Parents*, I'm talking about our choices for Ainsworth's names (I might try that out here tomorrow), then we've asked our two Support Parents* to say a little something about any hopes and aspirations they would have for Ainsworth. All in all, were hoping for a great day.

*"Support Parents?" I hear you ask. "Why not Godparents?" Simple: one of them is not a believer. We're adjusting the words of the promises subtly. We've made up for that by having the other one as a vicar.

My first painting

2007-09-22T13:25:00.000Z

There is so much I want to tell you all, but so little time. Eating has been a great adventure; I've had carrot, sweet potato, peas (yuck!) apple, pear, courgette - and lots of banana - and I have lots of photos but I'll have to post them another time. For now, I just had to tell you about my first painting. Mummy did the sponging, and I helped to spread the paint around until I was happy with the finished result. I thought it was okay, but it was a bit too flat, so I scrunched it up a bit to give it some texture.

What do you think? I think it looks a bit like some of my uncle's paintings.

PS: Daddy's just reminded me that lots more photos are available on my photo site even if I've not had time to put them here.

Orange Stuff

2007-09-06T17:33:00.001Z

It's official - my mum loves the colour orange! She wears orange clothes, she bought me an orange Bugaboo and now she's giving me orange stuff to eat!

Apparently it's called 'carrot' and I had it three days in a row. It was quite tasty, but I think the banana I had yesterday and today was even better - it was certainly stickier :o) And tonight daddy is roasting me sweet potato for tomorrow's snack (isn't that orange as well?!).

Well, I have to say I'm enjoying the new food regime. Mummy even lets me drink some of her water now - and I've been eyeing that up for months.

A delight

2007-09-04T09:30:00.000Z

I'm very glad Rachael has posted an update. I keep meaning to (I probably think about it most days) but get distracted by other things, and I keep trying to persuade Ainsworth to tell you all what he's actually been getting up to, but he always seems to busy chatting, laughing, entertaining friends to find the time. I'll make sure he updates you soon.

In the meantime, Rachael is quite right. He is an absolute delight. And even if he's been frustrating at bed time (which he certainly can be) the smile he gives us in the morning makes it all melt away.

26 Weeks or 6 Months...

2007-09-02T17:37:00.000Z

I can hardly believe it! In some ways the day Ainsworth arrived seems like a lifetime away, in other ways it has gone by so quickly. The fact that I have been on antibiotics for nearly 11 of those weeks is a little scary, but hopefully the expensive consultant in London will sort me out on Tuesday.

Anyway, to things of Ainsworth... In the last week he has had his last breast feed and is now completely bottle fed. He knows exactly what to do with the bottle and is beginning to reach out and hold it or push it away. He has had quite a few more pooey nappies, but that seems to have settled this weekend. (My going on 'nappy-strike' and saying Trevor had to do them all this weekend seems to have reduced the amount of poo - I'm sure the two of them are in cahoots!)

He has also had is last jabs for a while and coped admirably with 3 injections at once!

His sitting has definitely improved - he is sitting more firmly with a good straight back, and is even straining to be more upright when in his bouncy chair.

We have talked a lot about food and getting him onto solids, but I can't help thinking that we could leave it a couple of weeks because he arrived at 38 weeks gestation. He's also still sleeping well and doesn't want more when he finishes a feed - other indicators of needing more than milk. However, he has developed a definite chomping action with his mouth this week and is reaching out for our food when we are eating (His looks made me feel very guilty eating an ice cream last weekend!). Mind you, he is reaching out for all sorts of things, especially the tags (wash labels) on his toys!

He has been swimming today for the third time and it was such a contrast to the first time. He was smiling most of the time and absolutely loved his float thing. His legs didn't stay still the whole time he was in it! He definitely needs a little while to adjust to a situation before becoming happy with it. Today I stood on the side and we watched the children swimming for about 5 minutes before we went anywhere near the water. We've noticed this in other situations too - he can be quite teary and clingy when faced with something new or different, but given a few minutes securely held by me or Trevor and he becomes smiley and chatty - a real delight to behold.

He is very chatty a lot of the time now - babbling away to himself in the mirror and to his caterpillar in the car, especially.
All in all, he is an absolute delight to behold. I do find it difficult to know what to do with him sometimes and was amazed to find myself going to the pet shop for no other reason than to look at the fish! I, who never had enough time in the day to get through everything on my list, suddenly find myself aimlessly wandering the streets (and pet shops) for no other reason than to entertain my boy!

And, in case we haven't already reported it, he is now absolutely fine in the car seat :o)

So, a good six months? A tiring, excillerating, amazing, frustrating, astounding, fantazmagorical, emotional rollercoaster of a six months. Would I have it any other way? Well, it isn't any other way, so no point asking the queation really!

From breast milk to formula...

2007-08-22T21:52:00.000Z

Appetising, isn't it. Poor kid. Five months of breast milk and now this.

For Rachael

2007-08-22T21:43:00.000Z

She wants a badge? She gets a badge.

Giving up

2007-08-20T16:36:00.000Z

If there is one thing I know about myself, it is that I don't give up easily - whether it's writing a dissertation six weeks after giving birth, getting through rocky patches in our marriage, questioning my faith or breast feeding, I can stubbornly persist for quite some time! However, infected mastitis first reared its ugly head on 21 June and two months later, two hospital stays and two further flare-ups, I am still on antibiotics and struggling to shift the infection that sits in my right breast. After the third flare-up I decided to stop feeding on the right and risk an abscess forming if the infected milk leaked into the breast tissue - so far that hasn't happened, thankfully!

I've had two clear ultrasounds and am now just hand expressing once a day on the right while feeding twice a day on the left, but it will not be long before Ainsworth feeds entirely on formula. The pain, discomfort and emotional lows of feeding through mastitis have not stopped me wanting to continue feeding and, rather strangely, I feel somewhat cheated into giving up. I know it is probably the best thing to do for my health, and I really don't want Ainsworth to continue having diluted antibiotics, but it is proving emotionally quite difficult to do. Hormones are a very strange thing...

Ainsworth has been an absolute treasure through all of the hospital stays and has taken to bottle feeding like a dream. We really could not have asked for a more compliant baby! It is nice to see Trevor feeding him - and has given me a break from the night feeds - but I still feel a little 'embarassed' when feeding from a bottle in public! I want to wear a badge saying 'breast fed for five months'.

And so now we need to start seriously considering the other weaning process - from milk to solids... This parenting lark is full of quandries and questions, so there's never a dull moment. But actually, I'd quite like a dull moment right now.

Been too long

2007-08-18T21:31:00.000Z

Where the heck have we been? You may well ask.

Well, the fact is we've been somewhat pre-occupied, and blogging has not exactly been a priority. So here's a very brief summary of where we're at...

Ainsworth is five and a half months old, sleeping well, laughing a lot, and coping with formula milk for reasons which will soon become clear.
Rachael has been in a bad way. Her Mastitis just kept on coming back, and seemed resistant to antibiotics. She ended up having two stays in hospital to have them intravenously - first time just for one night, but the second time it was four nights' stay. She's through the worst now, but remains on antibiotics, probably until she finally finishes breastfeeding. Since last Tuesday, when she went into hospital, she's been feeding only on one side, and now she's dropped that down to two feeds a day. next week, just the one. And then slowly reducing that to zero.

I've coped okay with a very different schedule, as I've generally had Ainsworth at home, taking him into hospital for feeds as and when. Nights are interesting, aren't they?

That'll do for now. It's been a difficult few weeks.

Famous!

2007-07-27T21:29:00.000Z

I've just found out that I'm on another blog! Fame at last!

Photos and News

2007-07-08T21:04:00.000Z

Well, after re-arranging all the existing photos earlier in the week, I've finally managed to upload some new ones. Why not take a peek?

Unfortunately news here is not especially good at the moment: we thought we'd got rid of it, but Rachael's Mastitis is back. I guess it never really went away. A trip to the out-of-hours GP service at the hospital has given us a second course of antibiotics (different ones this time) and she's feeling really sore and rotten. And has said that once the infection clears this time, she'll be stopping breastfeeding. Can't say I blame her.

She's made it over four months though, which I understand is way more than the average. And anyway, it's about time I was able to do night feeds.

Serious stuff

2007-07-05T22:40:00.000Z

At last! the opportunity to talk about emotions and stuff on here. Rachael and I have needed - and thankfully had - a couple of talks over the last couple of days about how we're feeling about changes to our lives since AJ has been with us. And so I sat here to write about them.

And then I spent a couple of hours... sorting out photos. Oh, well. Perhaps I'll tell you about the serious stuff soon. More importantly, perhaps I'll do something about it.

In the meantime, I've moved AJ's photo albums to a new hosting site, as I was running out of space on my own domain and wanted something easier to keep up to date as well. I looked at a couple of different sites before opting for Flickr. I hope I've chosen well because I've spent flippin' ages uploading the photos and sorting them out. (And that's only the photos that were already online - I really need to put some new ones on. There's not been an upload since the end of May!)

Feel free to take a look and let me know how it looks to you. I still haven't worked out how to do some things (like choose what order the photos are displayed on some pages) but it seems pretty versatile and you can even view them as slideshows - which you sure couldn't do when I was trying to write my own code!

Will they ever update this?

2007-06-29T22:19:00.000Z

I've been waiting expectantly for Mum or Dad to update this because they've not put anything here for a couple of weeks now. Honestly. What are they thinking? They claim to be busy, but I can't imagine what's taking them so much time.

Well, I guess it's up to me to keep this thing going.

I last posted from Grandma's computer in Scotland. We'd gone on a long journey - on the train, as I still complain when they put me in the car seat (though a little less than I used to) - and were in Scotland for Uncle Ben's wedding. I met lots of people for the first time and had lots of fun. Mum and Dad had found me a great outfit. It was a bit big but I didn't mind because I've not dressed so smartly before and I wanted to look my best for the photos. And I'm going to another wedding in a couple of weeks when it might fit a bit better. Mum and Dad tried to dress nicely, too, but they just couldn't compete.

There were only twelve people at the wedding, but they all seemed pretty fascinated by me and I had to resign myself to the fact that I'd be prodded and poked much of the day. I slept through the ceremony (everyone said that was clever) but afterwards we all went back to the hotel (I did the trip in my carseat in a minibus both ways without compaining!) for a great meal. I decided it must be time to wake up when everyone else sat down to eat. Uncle Ben and Aunty Victoria had put a lovely teddy in my place at the table so I spent some time chatting to him while the grown ups chatted to each other. We all stayed up very late that evening chatting. I laid in my pram and tried to listen to the conversations, but they were all talking at the same time so I couldn't really follow it all.

After the wedding I stayed up in Scotland at Grandma's for a few more days and spent some time visiting more people. Uncle George, who I've met a few times, wanted to play with me lots and helped me dance to some very old jazz music which was great fun - if a little unnerving at times. (He lifted me right up high to the ceiling!) Then ho let me show him my keyboard skills. Daddy often plays the piano with me, but the keys are quite hard for me to press. Uncle George's keyboard is easy! And when we went for a long walk on the beach the next day he kept me nice and cosy out of the wind.

We've been back home for a couple of weeks now, and much more has happened, but it's very late and Daddy says I should be in bed. I must tell you that I've been managing to push up on my hands pretty well, and the other day when I was having a good look around I wobbled a bit and found myself on my back. Quite how that happens I'll never know, but it's happened a few times now.

First Jabs

2007-06-14T22:25:00.000Z

Tomorrow we take Ainsworth for his first jabs.
We're not looking forward to it.

My first...

2007-06-11T22:20:00.000Z

Hi friends. What a time I've had! Lots of firsts for me since I last came online: first train journey; first wedding; first time meeting my uncle Ben and auntie Victoria (it was their wedding!); first time out of England. No time to tell you all about it here (I'm using grandma's computer) but I'm going home tomorrow so I might be able to tell you more once I'm home. And there will be pictures - mum and dad took lots and lots and lots of pictures!

Strange goings-on in the night

2007-06-05T06:10:00.000Z

Mum and Dad do seem pleased with me when I stay asleep for along time. To see just how happy I can make them, I've stayed asleep for nine hours a few times now, and they seem to think I'm very clever. I can't see what's so clever about it - it's not like I'm doing anything.

But there is something strange going on: every night Mummy carefully places my in my cot with my feet at the bottom for some reason (I think she must have read it in a book somewhere). It's very cosy. The funny thing is, when I wake up in the morning I find myself right at the other end with my head pushing on the wooden bars. Does she move me in the night?

Missed Milestones

2007-05-31T09:32:00.000Z

My MA research was clearly just an excuse for not writing anything else as I haven't exactly recorded much since finishing it!

I continue to marvel at this little bundle of joy who is so dependent upon us for everything. I spend much of my time wondering what to do next with him when he is awake, and gazing adoringly at him when he is asleep. I hope I'm providing enough stimulus for him. We haven't had much on this week and he seems so much more content around other children than when he is just with me - hey ho!

Anyway, he is asleep at the moment and I thought I really should record some of those 'oooh' and 'aahhh' moments that have slipped by unrecorded and will be easily forgotten. Such milestones as the first time he smiled when I put him under the baby gym - almost in recognition of the fun to come! Then there was the first bath, first sniffy nose, first happy nappy change, first big smile, first time he really seemed to look at and enjoy a book, first holiday, first time I managed to distract him from crying by chatting to him and making silly noises, first massage class, and first noise that really sounded like speech rather than cry. Some of these things have been recorded in film or photo, of course, but you can't capture the emotion of such moments. My heart lifts with each new day as he now gives the biggest smile and chuckle of recognition when he wakes up in the morning.

And this week we have seen a new hand 'gesture' - he is quite definitely gripping both fists and raising them straight out in front of his face, almost like one of his baby massage moves! Oh how I delight in his every move!

How I love my car seat :o(

2007-05-29T18:55:00.000Z

Mum and Dad keep on taking me out in the car and I try to enjoy it, really I do. They do take me to some lovely places after all. But there's something about being strapped into that seat that I really can't get on with.

They do try to help, bless 'em. They sing to me, massage my tummy, let me suck their fingers, all sorts. Daddy even tried blowing on me once, which quietened me down for a while, but only because I was so bemused by it. But once I've decided I'm not happy in there there really isn't anything they can do to calm me down except stop and give me a proper cuddle.

I don't suppose anyone reads this, but if there is anyone out there who has any ideas about how I could get used to my car seat I'd love to hear about them.

PS: Daddy's just put some more photos on my website. They do like to point that camera at me.

PPS: Have you met my friend Milo? He's one cool guy!

The labour story - in brief!

2007-05-19T18:25:00.000Z

It is probably better that I write this with a few weeks distance from the actual event because, while I will not forget what a horrific journey it was at times, the joy of what resulted from that journey has numbed the nightmare somewhat! I say nightmare, but according to the midwives' notes it was a normal, straightforward delivery...

The adventure began at 12.30am on Sunday 4 March, after a day of spring cleaning with my mum and a lovely roast dinner (which I cooked) shared with Trevor, mum and my youngest brother. There was a definite feeling of contentment as I sat down with my family to relax at the end of a productive day. I had been in bed a couple of hours, while Trevor was still up 'playing' on the computer, when I suddenly felt very wet! There was no doubt about the fact that my waters had broken and I realised with some trepidation that life was about to get very interesting!

After popping to hospital for a quick checkover, we returned home to see if contractions started naturally, eat hot weetabix and sleep - Verona's advice. But there was no sleeping through the contractions and by 5.30am we were heading back to hospital, largely because I couldn't bear the thought of sitting in a car having a contraction. We left mum and brother, George, pacing the floor...

The hospital room - complete with birthing pool - was dimly lit and pleasantly clean. We unpacked a few things and made ourselves 'comfortable', but there was no playing Scrabble as I'd imagined! After several hours of contractions and being quite violently sick, the midwife did the first examination at 9am... 2cms!! She did a good job of making me feel less despondent by saying that I was fully effaced and the head was well down - level with the ishal spines. It was thanks to Verona's 'Preparation for Birth' weekend that I knew what that meant!

At the next examination, four hours later, I was 5cms dilated and could get into the pool - bliss! The pool was the best pain relief ever! I given up on gas and air early on because it didn't seem to do anything and I was feeling pretty nauseous anyway. Verona arrived at about 3.30pm (having got someone else to do her afternoon teaching!) and it was then that I felt I could really relax and focus on the job in hand. Unfortunately I relaxed too much and by 5pm I was still only 7-8cms dilated, so they suggested I get out the pool to see if that strengthened the contractions. IT DID.

By 7pm I was hooked up to the monitors and Verona was telling me when to breathe the gas and air in, which was working a treat now. I had begun to tire a little, and they suggested a Syntocinon drip to augment contractions. This then felt like I was having one long contraction and I stopped looking at the time after 8pm!

Being on the bed, albeit on all fours, was not good and eventually I asked to get off it. With some jiggling of wires, I was on the floor and felt like I had more to push against, which felt a lot better. At some point in the proceedings, I was aware that Verona was sending Trevor for a break and I was pleased. When he returned he was noticeably more proactive and supportive.

I longed for the urge to push and for it to be all over. I was feeling pathetic, useless and exhausted and at several points asked Trevor to make it all stop and for the midwife to 'cut it out, suck it out, just get it out'. I remember thinking 'I don't care how many women have gone through this, it can't be natural!' Verona's presence and focused words of guidance were very reassuring, and her foot massages were a pleasant distraction.

Eventually there was the urge to push and I knew the hard work was about to start - but I thought I had no energy left and I was literally on my knees! The best position seemed to be pulling against Trevor and biting on his belt. I'm glad to say that at no point did I feel anything but absolute love for him and it was undoubtedly the sheer excitement in his voice that kept me going at the end.

It was obviously taking a little longer than the midwife would have liked as there were comments about the doctors going grey haired outside, so could I get a move on! When the little body did eventually pop out, I remember looking at 'it' and being amazed at how big it was. Verona was excitedly asking Trevor if he could see what it was and he announced that it was a BOY! I don't know what happened next really - I couldn't hear or speak for what seemed like ages, then I was struggling back onto the bed and Trevor was asking me if I was okay...

There was yet more discomfort to come with the delivery of the placenta, and I do remember Trevor having a 'guided tour' of it with the midwife, but thankfully stitches were not required! Babe was lying on me for quite a while, but made no move towards the breast, as I'd imagined he might. Verona took a photo of us, despite my feelings of despair at what I must look like!

It took some time to shower, dress babe, pack up our things and move up to the ward. The midwife brought me two slices of 'toast' (white cardboard squares spread with some cheap margerine) which tasted divine. Trevor commented on what a serious little face he had - the name Ainsworth seemed to suit, and knowing how keen he was on the name of course I agreed to it.

We were put on the anti-natal ward as the post-natal was full - it had been a busy weekend! Strangely enough I wasn't too worried about Trevor going home - perhaps because I knew the house wasn't empty?

I lay down, with Ainsworth James on my chest and was very glad the ward staff weren't going to make me put him down in a cot.

My second blog POST!

2007-05-18T18:08:00.000Z

A shameful amount of time has lapsed since I last posted as Ainsworth is now approaching his 11 week milestone - but I do have a minor excuse... until 2 weeks ago I was finishing off my MA research project! It had been my plan to finish it before he arrived, but coming 16 days early he surprised us all (we didn't even have the car seat!) especially as we thought first babies were always late! Anyway, the dissertation was completed by the May 4th deadline and there was much celebrating in the Coultart household. Since then I have been catching up on all the other little jobs that were put on hold for three weeks and now it is time to catch up with this blogging lark...

Changes

2007-05-17T22:24:00.000Z

Another week, another lack of posting here. Time flies, you see: it flies.

Our perfect boy continues to be perfect in every way. He is, as I am keen to tell everyone, the best baby there has ever been. Sleeping's going fine now : we've had a few more nights of five or even six hours, and even when he does wake he - usually - settles fairly quietly down again. (What's the betting that he'll be a rascal tonight now that I've typed that?) He's now moved into his cot; the moses basket seems to have mysteriously shrunk somewhat and does seem happier with the extra space around him. Our room is a wee bit cramped with the cot, but it's working well so far. Having read Three in a Bed I started out really keen on the idea of bedsharing. Rachael, who wasn't so keen before Ainsworth was born, surprised herself by really liking having him in the bed with us, but I soon became keen to move him into his own space, and the moses basket (thanks Matt and Debbie!) was fantastic, until it shrank. We've gone for a clever hybrid of bedsharing and separate beds: I assembled the cot with only three sides, made sure the mattress was the same height as ours, and we have it flush with our bed, so he's in his own little annexe. So far, so good.

There is much more to say: I've not mentioned eating, travelling, growing, playing, laughing, crying and much more about Ainsworth, and have yet to even think about blogging about my emotions - which is after all the supposed reason behind this blog. But it is late and I must go and join the family upstairs. Until next time...

Spoke too soon

2007-05-09T07:34:00.000Z

Tuesday night:

woke 1:50
wouldn't settle until 3:00
woke again 4:00

Dancing on the ceiling

2007-05-08T21:01:00.000Z

We are celebrating this week.

Sunday night: 9:30 until 5:00
Monday night: 10:30 until 5:00

If they don't count as "sleeping through the night", I don't know what does.

Tuesday night? Watch this space.

Where does the time go?

2007-04-24T19:20:00.000Z

I want to post here about all the things we've been up to since Ainsworth has been born. Rachael wants to record how we're feeling and coping and what it's all doing to our emotions.

In practice, we never seem to have time to get here. Perhaps that says something about both things.

My first ever blog entry

2007-04-15T20:16:00.000Z

This time six weeks ago I had completely lost track of time and was wondering whether or not to ask if Sunday had turned into Monday yet. I was coming towards the end of a labour which had started at 12.30 that morning and which felt as though it was never going to end. When it finally did, the result was our gorgeous baby boy whom we named Ainsworth James Thomas Coultart and it is he who has inspired me to write my first ever blog entry.

The intention was to write a daily entry tracking the highs and lows of being new parents. The reality has been odd thoughts scribbled on a block of scrap paper that I have kept by my side to combat the frustration of what people have called 'baby brain'. We have been given two beautiful books in which to record events and milestones - quite when we will get round to filling them in, I do not know. However, the last six weeks have seen many highs and lows and many milestones which I hope to record briefly in retrospect before returning to my original intention of writing as things happen.

Today's entry would be called 'Our First Music Session' as we had the most delightful half hour this morning with Trevor playing the piano and me singing Nursery Rhymes to Ainsworth as he bounced and cooed along merrily in his chair. It was really rewarding and heartwarming, especially as it came after quite a prolonged grizzly spell.

Easter Video

2007-04-09T13:10:00.000Z

For Easter we put together a little video and sent it to both Grandmas as a DVD. And now as a special treat everyone can watch a very-small-screen version here! (It's about eight minutes long.)

And there are now more photos on Ainsworth's web site, too.

Welcome Ainsworth James Thomas Coultart

2007-03-20T21:53:00.000Z

According to the opening post, this was supposed to be a blog about us preparing to become parents. Well, events have somewhat overtaken us, as Ainsworth decided to arrive early on 4th March. I've just tried to post a picture, but Blogger's not behaving for me right now. You can always view a few snaps here.

The last couple of weeks have therefore been busy getting used to having a baby around the house. The plan (such as it is) is to use this to muse over our thoughts, feelings and emotions about becoming parents, and we're both hoping to post thoughts here from time to time. I guess there will always be room for bits and bobs about how Ainsworth is progressing, and we will soon post the story of his birth.

It's taken me this long just to post the news, so I don't hold your breath for the next update...

Your starter for ten

2007-02-09T13:35:00.000Z

After 12 years of marriage, we've finally decided we've got to know each other well enough to have a go at this parenting lark. Number one is on its way.

I've set this blog up so we can record what we go through as we prepare to become parents, and then what actually being parents is like once we get there.

Still setting up the template at the moment; I hope to make the first proper entry soon.

Watch this space.